Focus on Solutions NOT Problems From the Past In Your Custody Case

Nov 16, 2017

Forgiveness is not a legal topic but I want to talk to you about focusing on solutions vs. the problems that have happened in the past.

I know if you've been wronged that the past is hard to let go of. but I do get it. When you go to trial you have to focus on the problems. You have to focus on what each party said in the past and what each party did in the past.

That involves a lot of rehashing conversations, text messages, emails and behaviors. Fortunately that's a necessary evil when you to trial because a judge can only make a decision on what's happened in the past.

Practically speaking if you want to make some headway in your custody case with the other parent as well as the judge in the courtroom then I really think it's important to at least think about focusing on solutions. And not being so hung up on the past.

I do understand that there are some situations where the person had serious mental health conditions or a narcissistic personality. I understand that it makes it difficult for you to trust.

I want to give you an example of why I am bringing this up. In one of my trials recently the other parent was on the stand and I was cross examining him. One of the things he was doing and wanted to continue to do was video taping the exchanges between the parties.

When he would hold up his video camera during these exchanges, what happened was my client would get upset. I am pretty sure she felt attacked by that gesture on his part. When she got upset the parent's daughter would get upset. It just turned into high drama. And although father was upset by things that mother had done in the past, it didn't appear that he felt that she was a real threat. It appeared to me that he was just doing this to insult and annoy her. And it worked and pushed her buttons.

During cross examination I was asking him if he could past whatever my client had done to make him think he needed to videotape these exchanges. He refused to say that he could get past these things which by the way were really not that serious. When I asked the father on the stand what he could do better himself to improve the relationship he could not name one thing that he could do better. I will say there is always something that we could do better.

When you are on the stand if you can tell the judge the ways that you can improve your communication or parenting that will go a long way with the court. It will show the court that you are being accountable for your actions in the past. That you are being responsible for your actions and that you want to make your future better.

The important thing in your custody case is your child. I challenge you to ask yourself what can you do better so it can make your child's life better. It is always about the best interest of the child. One of the things that you can do is not focusing on the past so much and try focusing on solutions and how can you make your child's future better.


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