When a Custody Battle Takes a Physical and Emotional Toll On You

I know all too well the emotional and physical toll high conflict custody battles can take on the people who are involved.  I’ve recently finished 2 very high conflict cases that have taken a toll not only on my clients but on myself personally.  So this is just a little bit of real world advice that’s not necessarily legal but is still very important to your case. 

Over the last couple of months I have been dealing with some pretty heavy duty cases that I have been having to take to trial. They involve situations where there has been domestic violence, substance abuse and mental health issues all in the same case. It's not unusual to have one of these issues in a custody case but it is rare to have all of them at once.

Not only am I dealing with these issues with these cases, I'm dealing with parties who are very high conflict with each other. I am dealing with parties in some situations who are making demands that are really unreasonable or who have expectations that are unreasonable.  What has ended up happening is a lot of arguing and fighting between the parties, a lot of arguing between the attorneys, lots of motions being filed, lots of money being spent, lots o hearings in front of the court and lots of stress.

As a result, you go to court you roll the dice like you're going to Vegas and you just don't know what is going to happen. I’ve just finished the trials in these 2 situations and we’re waiting on the judge’s ruling. I have to say I’m pretty exhausted. And I feel like I haven’t recovered because I’ve been going through months of a high level of stress. What I want to say is I understand what you are going through even though I know they are not my kids, it’s not my life but I am there experiencing the stress with you.

In going through this I really feel like I’ve gotten off center from who I am and I can really see how easy it is for you to get off track from who you really are in the midst of all of this arguing, fighting and high drama. Check in with yourself for a minute and remember who you are because it’s very easy to forget. Remember what those things are that make who you are. What are the things that are important to you and get back to them if you’ve gotten off track.

Those things that are important in your life are the things that are going to help you get through this experience. In the last couple of months I have not been working out, getting any sleep. I’ve been eating junk, haven’t been seeing my friends or being present for my daughter. Overall I have not felt like myself. I feel highly emotional and exhausted and feel like I have a lot of toxic stuff going on in my body, my heart and in my mind.

It feels terrible. I’m still putting on the face, putting on the lipstick and fighting the good fight. But it’s really important to take care of you…your body, your mind and your spirit during this experience. The experience will be over soon enough and maybe this is just one battle and maybe you’ll end up in court again, but you want to be sure you are there for your kids.

Take care of yourself and really get back to what makes a difference in your life and what matters to you. Lately I’ve been hearing too many stories where people have had a heart attack or other health issues because they’ve been going through such a prolonged period of stress and anxiety. If you need help, get the help that you need. Reach out to the people who have help that they can offer you, whether it’s a counselor, friend, minister, priest or whether it’s someone like me.

Just take care of yourself through this. It’s hard I get it. It’s hard on me as an attorney and it’s not my life. Just a little bit of real world advice that’s not necessarily legal but it’s very important in your case.