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You Are the Perfect Parent

Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend
As an known enemy


Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend
As an old


Memoria, memoria
Memoria, memoria


Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend
As an old

 

Memoria, memoria
Memoria, memoria

-Nirvana, 1991

You aren't perfect and you never will be. Yet, you ARE perfect. Just as you are. You are the perfect person. You are the perfect parent.

There's always to room to improve, but don't hold yourself hostage thinking about the things you've done in the past.

My best friend is a man is who was married before he found me.  When he married his first wife, he was young and really just wanted to be free.

He and his wife had two kids. The marriage didn't work. He left. He didn't just leave the house. Or the city. Or the state. He actually left the country. And, for the most part, his kids were raised by their Mom and stepfather...

Focus on Solutions NOT Problems From the Past In Your Custody Case

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Forgiveness is not a legal topic but I want to talk to you about focusing on solutions vs. the problems that have happened in the past.

I know if you've been wronged that the past is hard to let go of. but I do get it. When you go to trial you have to focus on the problems. You have to focus on what each party said in the past and what each party did in the past.

That involves a lot of rehashing conversations, text messages, emails and behaviors. Fortunately that's a necessary evil when you to trial because a judge can only make a decision on what's happened in the past.

Practically speaking if you want to make some headway in your custody case with the other parent as well as the judge in the courtroom then I really think it's important to at least think about focusing on solutions. And not being so hung up on the past.

I do understand that there are some situations where the person had serious mental health conditions or a narcissistic personality. I understand that it makes it...

Unreasonably Withholding Consent When You Are Sharing Custody

I want to talk with you about this notion of unreasonably withholding consent.   I bring this up because I see it come up again and again in my cases.  I saw it come up recently in one of my cases where the father in the situation wanted to take their child to Disneyland during a weekend when the father’s parents were coming in from out of state.   They came in just so they could all travel to California and go to Disneyland.   

In this particular situation my client didn’t give father an answer about Disneyland for days and he was asking her via email and text messages.  He repeatedly was asking “Can we go? Can we go?”.  She was addressing other matters and she was trying to get other things from father related to other situations they had going on. But she would not address this Disneyland issue and in my mind mother’s failure to address this issue promptly was the unreasonable withholding of consent.

...

What if Your Older Child is Telling You They Want Custody or Parenting Time Arrangement Changed?

What you should be doing if you have an older child who is telling you that he or she wants the custody or parenting time arrangements to be changed.

I had this issue just come up in one of my cases and let me give you a little background.  I have a client and he had custody of his three boys as they were growing up but as the boys were growing up one of them started to give him a hassle a few years ago saying that he wanted to live with mom who lives in Arizona and father by the way lives in a different state.

So father and mother went through a couple of rounds of litigation where they were battling over whether the boy would get to come and live with mother or not and ultimately in those rounds of litigation they settled the case. But more recently the boy came to spend time with mother during summer break and at the end of summer break he essentially refused to go home. The boy is 16 years old according to the mother the boy refused to get in the plane to get in the car to...

Don't Use a Restraining Order to Get Around a Custody Order That is Already in Place

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This video is about a situation that I observed in court a couple of months ago while sitting in a courtroom waiting with my client for the judge to hear our restraining order.

As we were waiting we were watching all the other people who were going before us and one of the ladies who went before us was a woman who was trying to convince the judge to give her a restraining order to protect her children. She felt the father…the other parent was putting the children in danger by driving with the kids while under the influence of alcohol.

The first question that judge asked the woman was is there a current custody order in place that gives this other parent rights and her answer was yes so that was red flag. Number one the judge felt that by going to get a restraining order that maybe the woman was trying to go around or circumvent the prior order on custody and what the judge told her was that you need to seek to modify that prior family court order and you can do it on an...

Why Would a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) Favor Non-Parent in Child Custody Cases?

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Why would a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) favor the non-parent who is not the biological parent of the child when trying to determine what's in the best interests of the child?

Before I delve into answering this question let me explain what GAL stands for in legal speak. GAL means guardian ad litem and a guardian ad litem is an individual, usually an attorney who is appointed by the court to represent the interests of the child. Oftentimes the GAL is given special powers by the court where they can investigate allegations that are being made or where they can observe interaction between the child and the involved parties.

 The GAL al may be able to talk with the child if the child is old enough to express his or her wishes.   So there are a lot of functions that this GAL can perform.  And the GAL then can provide a report or an update to the court and provide recommendations about what he or she thinks is in the best interests of the child.  So in this case the...

Reasons You May Have to Pay The Other Party's Attorney's Fees in Family Law Cases

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This video is about reasonableness as it relates to the issues of attorneys fees and costs in a family law case.

 I've had a couple of recent recent cases where the judges hammered my clients with awards of attorneys fees.  One case the award was approaching $20,000, and that award was so much that it actually sent my client into bankruptcy.   So I want to explain to you where judges ended up saying that one person owes the other party attorneys fees and costs.

First of all obviously one person has to have an attorney, so if you're doing this case on your own and the other side is the one who has an attorney really have to be aware that paying some or all of the other side's attorneys fees and cost could be a possibility.   The next thing you have to understand is that in making a decision about attorney’s fees and costs, the judge is going to look at whether parties are being reasonable in their positions or whether they're taking positions that...

Pay Close Attention to Your Child's Behavior to Make Sure Your Parenting Plan is in The Best Interest of Your Child

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If you have a parenting time agreement you need to play close attention to your child's behavior & whether your parenting plan is in the best interest of your child.

Paying attention to his or her behaviors and deciding whether or not there's something that you need to do differently or you need to work with the other parent on. You need to make sure that your child is above all happy. When you're in the middle of a custody case it really is all about the children. I've talked about in many of my videos how everything that the judge is going to consider points to what's best for the child.

I'm raising this issue because I just got out of court and in this particular case it really should be an easy case result. But it hasn't been unfortunately because from my perspective the father is really angry and bitter and he's trying to control the mother. So at a prior court hearing the parties agreed that when the other parent was having parenting time with the child that the parent...

Can I Leave the State With My Child Without Telling the Other Parent?

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I had a client recently who had been with her partner for a while and he had been emotionally and physically abusive to her.  She wanted to leave the state and take their child with her.

She wanted to know if she could just do that without letting the other parent know because there was no court order in place.  I always say in many of my videos that you have to consult the laws in your jurisdiction. 

 I don't know what the laws in your jurisdiction are because I have viewers from as far as Australia.  In cases where there has been emotional abuse or domestic violence if the other parentI has been involved with the life of the child to any extent, it is probably not a good idea to take the child and run.

 It seems like that would be the easiest thing to do in many situations. It would probably would be the safest thing to do for the parent and the child but in the long run it could really cause some heartache for you and the child if the other parent...

Don't Let Setbacks in Your Custody Case Get You Down

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Setbacks are just a part of life. Everyone will experience setbacks in their life. That includes judges, attorneys, you, the other side in your custody case. I wanted to cover this topic because of a very difficult and challenging case that I experienced.

In this case the father was my client and his ex had taken off with their child and they had shared custody. He eventually was reunited with his child after not knowing where his child was for 3-weeks.

Over those 3-weeks we filed motions with the court trying to get some sort of relief or orders that the child be returned to my client immediately. The problem was we did not know where my client's ex was, so we weren't able to serve her with paperwork.

At one point we had tracked her down to Aruba from her Instagram account but there were no pictures of the child so we did not know where the child was either. It felt like a roller coaster especially with the filing of all these different motions. And when the judge would make these...